The wife comes home early & finds her husband in their master bedroom
making love to a beautiful young woman...

You unfaithful, disrespectful pig! How dare you do this to me - the
faithful wife, the mother of your children!

I'm leaving you, I want a divorce!"

The husband, replies "Wait, Wait a minute! Before you leave, at least
listen to what happened"

"Fine, but it'll be the last words you say to me you unfaithful pig!"
The husband begins to tell his story. .

"While driving home this young lady asks for a ride. I saw her so
defenseless that I went ahead and allowed her in my car. I noticed that
she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She mentioned that she had not eaten for 3 days. With great compassion and hurt, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas that I made for you last night that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll gain weight;the poor thing, practically devours them.

Since she was very dirty I asked her to take a shower. While she was
showering, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw
her clothes away. Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans that you have had for a few years, that you can no longer wear because they are too tight on you, I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary and you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that you will not wear just to bother my sister and I also gave her the boots that you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again after you saw your co-worker wearing the same pair."

The husband continues his story . . . ."The young woman was very grateful to me and I walked her to the door. When we got to the door she turned around and with tears coming out of her eyes, she asks me:

Sir, do you have anything else that your wife does not use?"

Now I lay me Down to sleep
I pray the Lord My shape to keep
Please no wrinkles, Please no bags
And please lift my butt -Before it sags.
Please no age spots
Please no gray
And as for my belly,
Please take it away
Please keep me healthy
Please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord
For all that you've done.

Five tips for a woman.....

1. It is important that a man helps you around the
house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and
doesn't lie to you..

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils
you.

5. It is important that these four men don't know each
other.

NO GAS ... On May 15th 2007
Body: Don't pump gas on May 15th.

In April 1997, there was a "gas out" conducted nationwide in protest of
gas prices. It was most effective and gasoline prices dropped 30 cents a
gallon overnight.

On May 15th 2007, encourage all your friends and families not go to a
gas station in protest of high gas prices. Gas is now over $3.00 a
gallon in most places.

There are 73,000,000+ American members currently on the internet, and
the average car takes about 30 to 50 dollars to fill up.

If all users did not go to the pump on the 15th, it would take
$2,292,000,000.00 (that's almost 3 BILLION) out of the oil companies'
pockets in just one day, so please do not go to the gas station on May
15th and lets try to make ourselves heard by the industry for at least
one day.

If you agree send this to your entire contact list with it saying,
''Don't pump gas on May 15th". It will work for sure.

And we say that we are one nation under God? This is an amazing statement made by a courageous father. What's missing in our schools? Concerned and caring teacher, Dallice Grimble ________________________________ Guess our national leaders didn't expect this, hmm? On Thursday, Darrell Scott, the father of Rachel Scott, a victim of the Columbine High School shootings in Littleton , Colorado , was invited to address the House Judiciary Committee's subcommittee. What he said to our national leaders during this special session of Congress was painfully truthful. They were not prepared for what he was to say, nor was it received well. It needs to be heard by every parent, every teacher, every politician, every sociologist, every psychologist, and every so-called expert! These courageous words spoken by Darrell Scott are powerful, penetrating, and deeply personal. There is no doubt that God sent this man as a voice crying in the wilderness. The following is a portion of the transcript: "Since the dawn of creation there has been both good & evil in the hearts of men and women. We all contain the seeds of kindness or the seeds of violence. The death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joy Scott, and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other eleven children who died must not be in vain. Their blood cries out for answers. "The first recorded act of violence was when Cain slew his brother Abel out in the field. The villain was not the club he used.. Neither was it the NCA, the National Club Association. The true killer was Cain, and the reason for the murder could only be found in Cain's heart. "In the days that followed the Columbine tragedy, I was amazed at how quickly fingers began to be pointed at groups such as the NRA. I am not a member of the NRA. I am not a hunter. I do not even own a gun. I am not here to represent or defend the NRA - because I don't believe that they are responsible for my daughter's death. Therefore I do not believe that they need to be defended. If I believed they had anything to do with Rachel's murder I would be their strongest opponent. I am here today to declare that Columbine was not just a tragedy -- it was a spiritual event that should be forcing us to look at where the real blame lies! Much of the blame lies here in this room. Much of the blame lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers themselves. I wrote a poem just four nights ago that expresses my feelings best. This was written way before I knew I would be speaking here today: Your laws ignore our deepest needs, Your words are empty air. You've stripped away our heritage, You've outlawed simple prayer. Now gunshots fill our classrooms, And precious children die. You seek for answers everywhere, And ask the question "Why?" You regulate restrictive laws, Through legislative creed. And yet you fail to understand, That God is what we need! " Men and women are three-part beings. We all consist of body, mind, and spirit. When we refuse to acknowledge a third part of our make-up, we create a void that allows evil, prejudice, and hatred to rush in and wreak havoc. Spiritual presences were present within our educational systems for most of our nation's history. Many of our major colleges began as theological seminaries. This is a historical fact. What has happened to us as a nation? We have refused to honor God, and in so doing, we open the doors to hatred and violence. And when something as terrible as Columbine's tragedy occurs -- politicians immediately look for a scapegoat such as the NRA. They immediately seek to pass more restrictive laws that contribute to erode away our personal and private liberties. We do not need more restrictive laws. Eric and Dylan would not have been stopped by metal detectors. No amount of gun laws can stop someone who spends months planning this type of massacre. The real villain lies within our own hearts. "As my son Craig lay under that table in the school library and saw his two friends murdered before his very eyes, he did not hesitate to pray in school. I defy any law or politician to deny him that right! I challenge every young person in America , and around the world, to realize that on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School prayer was brought back to our schools. Do not let the many prayers offered by those students be in vain. Dare to move into the new millennium with a sacred disregard for legislation that violates your God-given right to communicate with Him. To those of you who would point your finger at the NRA -- I give to you a sincere challenge. Dare to examine your own heart before casting the first stone! My daughter's death will not be in vain! The young people of this country will not allow that to happen!" Do what the media did not - - let the nation hear this man's speech. Please send this out to everyone you can.