A nice, calm and respectable lady went
into the pharmacy, walked right up to the pharmacist, looked straight
into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady
replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eyes got
big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill
your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw
both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not!
You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and
pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's
different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Mary had a little pig, She kept it fat and plastered
And when the
price
of pork went up, She shot the little bastard.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB" Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to
school with her, Between two hunks of bread

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill To have a little
fun. Stupid Jill
forgot
the pill And now they have a son.

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair. Said
Simple Simon to
the Pie man, What have you got there?" Said the Pie
man unto Simon,
"Pies, you DumbAss"

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a
great fall. All
the
kings' horses, And all the kings' men. Had scrambled
eggs, For
breakfast again.

the bedside
clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun Then died of
electrical shock.

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie, Kissed the girls
and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play, He kissed them
too 'cause he was
gay.

My Kind of Girl ! I want to be her when I grow up
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle
of
her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very
good. But when
she
was bad........ She got a fur coat, jewels, a
waterfront condo, and a
sports car.

The End

A man, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and
says to his wife, "I feel horrible, I look fat, ugly and out
of shape. Pay me a compliment."

The wife replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect!"